So, yesterday morning, after a week of coughing myself crazy, I decided to call and get an appointment with a doctor. I will walk you through the morning and share with you my impressions (”weirdations”).

1. I got up at 9 and went straight to the phone to call an MD I had been suggested because she spoke English (I have survival German by now, but I didn’t really want to chance getting confused and telling the doctor the wrong thing was hurting because I could not pronounce the words correctly). Now, just to make it clearer, the sentences in orange were spoken in German, translated here for your benefit (and mine… attempting to write them in German would make me take three hours extra to write this post). Sentences in italics are my thoughts, which I barely stopped from saying out loud. Sentences in green were originally in English. So I phoned, and the nice receptionist picked up the phone quite quickly.

- Good morning, Dr. xxx’s office, how may I help you?

- Hello, I would like an appointment with Dr. xxx for today.

- Impossible, I’m afraid, she’s booked all the way till June. (June???? German people can’t be THAT organized, can they??? They even know when they are going to get sick???) . If you are really sick, you can try coming tomorrow between 7 and 8:30.

- I see (not). ok thank you.

2. Now, all the references I had of this MD were that she spoke English, so I decided that I could just as well see if the one who is in my street spoke English. This one had a much smaller add in the Jena yellow pages, so surely she would be less booked out?

- Good morning, Dr. zzz’s office, how may I help you?

- Hello, I wanted to know if Dr. zzz spoke English.

- Yes, and? (now, imagine this said, in a harsh and no nonsense tone of voice).

-(wow, that was harsh) eeeh… because my German is not so good…

-…

3. So, I decided to go for it.

- so… I would like an appointment with Dr. zzz for today.

- she is all booked out. (as well????)

– oh…

- are you sick?

- eeeh… yeah…

This reinforced my impression that people in Jena just book visits to the doctor without actually being sick yet! I had to really bite my tongue to stop myself from saying duh…

4. And the harsh receptionist continued shocking me:

- What do you have?

- eeeh… a cough? (so glad I did not have something more personal going on…)

- You can come now.

- Now?

- Yes, now.

- Oh, ok… (I’ll get dressed…)

5. So I made it to the doctor’s office and was asked to sit in the waiting room with half a dozen other (elderly) patients. After half an hour or so, I was escorted to the doctor’s room and after a sentence I did not get, she quite nicely switched to English. Nice that she switched, because her tone was even worse than the receptionist’s. Now, not rude, just… harsh. So I told her I had the flu last week and after it went again I was left with a nasty cough that is persistent after 7 days.

- Flu? Why do you say it was flu?

- Muscle pains, slight fever, a person had it the week before, and then I got it, and another person besides me, at the same time, in the same household got it…

- No. It could not be flu.

- Why not?

- Because it is not the time for the flu

Oooh… I wasn’t aware of that… ok, then I had whatever is available for April???

6. So, she checked my chest, ears, throat… the usual and then she asked me if I was ok with them ordering blood tests.

- Eeeeh… if they are necessary?

- they are going to cost you… wait let me check…

Two phone calls later

- 140 EUR.

- eeeh ok… I have been paying 200 EUR per month for almost two years to have Medical Insurance, and I haven’t been to the doctor even once in this time, and I’m going to say no to tests, now that I’m stick, because they cost money?? Sure…

7. And the doctor continued with her questions:

- Do your parents or grandparents have heart problems, ME, cancer…

- No…

- Does it hurt when I do this? (and she started hitting me in the face in different places: front, cheeks, chin; and then the stomach, back…)

- Well, no… (assuming you mean no more than the pain resulting from you hitting me, woman! now, stop it!)

8. And I wanted to explain how I felt, you know, so she would know…

- Sometimes when I cough, the ears and throat…

- Yes, yes, do you smoke? so you drink alcohol? do you do sports?

Sorry for providing un-requested information, ma’am! Won’t happen again, ma’am!

9. And then the sex talk:

- Could you be pregnant?

- No, not that I’m aware.

- No, for sure?

- Well, I…

- You have safe sex, yes?

- Yes…

- Are you on the pill?

- No…

- Then do you think you could be pregnant?

- Well, no… (I mean not more than usual… I mean… as sure as you can be when you use condoms…)

- If we give you medicines, they could be bad for the baby.

- I am not pregnant.

- Are you sure?

Woman, you are starting to freak me out!

10. And after all, she diagnosed me with acute bronchitis, sent me to get X-rays to confirm I did not have Pneumonia (X-rays done in a different place on the same day and with a specialist telling me 30 minutes after the X-rays my lungs were pristine… you go, lungs!), and sent me to reception to get an appointment for next week…

and in spite of the booked out schedule of theirs… I did get an appointment!

Related post(s)

• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Jena (Germany) (part 2) (10)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Jena (Germany) (part 1) (3)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Brussels (Belgium) (part 2) (2)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Brussels (Belgium) (part 1) (0)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Dublin (Ireland) (part 2) (13)

Part 1: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and now…

6. Sixteen-month calendars and 18-month planners

Jena people and quantities. I don’t seem to be able to figure them out! So you can buy a calendar in September for the following 16 months and I needed a yearly planner last summer and it was practically impossible to get one for the current year (2007) but, surprisingly enough, I was able to get one for the 2nd half of 2007 and whole 2008. But then…

7. …no dozen eggs

You can buy a box of 6 eggs, but the next “size” is a box with 10 eggs! Not 12 which is what I’m used to seeing. Here’s an image of a 10-egg-box bought in Jena:

What are the usual box-sizes in other places? I know in Alacant it’s 12 eggs, and so is in Dublin…

8. No double-duvets, just two single ones!

And then, it is VERY hard to find double-size duvets in Jena (and duvet covers). It seems here they use two single duvets for double beds. I can see the advantage of having your own duvet and not having to fight for it with your bed-partner, but what about when you are in the middle of the bed? Either you end up with two duvets or none at all…

9. TV-series in 2 boxes and double seats at the cinema

Each season of series like Charmed or Heroes are sold in two halves. I can see the advantage if you don’t know if you are really interested in a series or you don’t have enough money saved up, it could be better to just have to pay for half. But I have the feeling that buying a season in two halves is overall more expensive than buying it complete. I have been told this practice is actually becoming common in other places like Spain or UK, but it still surprises mes. Oh and tying up the bizarre quantities in Jena, at the cinema, one can choose a double seat: where two people can sit together without the armrest in the middle. They call them “love-seats”, of course…

10. Lufthansa lost luggage auction

I think this is actually the weirdest thing I’ve seen in Jena so far. They had a Lufthansa lost luggage auction once! I couldn’t believe my eyes. They set up a stage in the middle of the Goethe Galerie (Jena’s city centre’s shopping centre) and they would show a luggage and auction it without even showing the contents! And people actually paid up to a couple of hundred euros for some of them! I saw some guy pick up his “new” luggage and extract 3 smaller luggages from inside, in decreasing sizes, and within the smallest one, he found a mobile phone. Another woman got a luggage with loads of clothes and a dictionary. Very funny… but what I don’t understand is, if Lufthansa did find the luggages, why not give them back to the original owners? And why would you pay for a used luggage with random clothes? And the most frightening question of all… did Lufthansa actually make a profit out of it? Because it might turn out to be better for them to keep on “losing luggages” and then auctioning them…

The end.

So, what do you think of the 10 weirdest things in Jena? Have you seen them in other places? Do you know a place where you saw 10 things even weirder than these? We are accepting contributions from anybody who’d like to share their list of weird things they’ve seen anywhere in the world. We can either invite you to olivetalks as a guest blogger (you will retain full credits, of course) or just let us know where have you posted the list and we will comment on it in olivetalks!

So, you’ve been informed. “10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Dublin (Ireland)” coming soon!

Related post(s)

• 10 weird things about the health system in Jena (4)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Jena (Germany) (part 1) (3)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Brussels (Belgium) (part 2) (2)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Brussels (Belgium) (part 1) (0)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Dublin (Ireland) (part 2) (13)

Quick summary: Jena is a German city with a population of a bit over 100,000 people and located about 250 km south (-west) of Berlin. You can learn about the city in http://www.jena.de/ and here’s a picture taken by me so you can imagine the place better:

Ok, you’ve got the image? Ready to read what were the 10 weirdest things we’ve seen in Jena? Now, remember, we are not natives from Jena, so that could be why we found the things weird, and we are neither criticizing nor making fun of the locals! I mean, come on, it’s a very nice place to live and… I do not want to get smacked next time I leave the house… So…

1. A mammoth

I’m not joking. Towards the end of August 2007, I was walking home and I encountered a Mammoth in the middle of the city centre. Look at the image if you don’t believe me!

Then I entered the Goethe Galerie shopping center and saw that it was an exposition on animals of the Ice Age. Still, quite a shocking sight when you suddenly look up from the flier somebody had tossed in your hand and you were reading. The exposition had a few other animals as well, like this scary one:

or the huge bear:

yeah, the scary animal is the one on the right…

2. Jena Tourist Information Office and McDonald’s have the employees reversed

Yes, they do! First week in Jena my German was pretty much non-existent. I decided to go to the Tourist Information Office to get a few maps and pointers on where could I learn German. I was surprised to find there that the person behind the desk did not speak any English whatsoever. It seems they are used to dealing with visiting Germans from other places in the country, and do not expect that many foreigners… Shortly after I went to the only place I could order in the local language by combine the numbers I knew in German with the name of dishes, and be sure I was going to know what was I going to eat: McDonald’s. I only got to say “Ein BigMac bitte” and the employee without missing a step switched to English “would you like fries with the BigMac?”. Funny place where the underpaid McDonald’s workers speak more than one language and the Information office doesn’t.

3. Cinema in original version, scarce and then… without subtitles? And the cost varies?

Basically, it wasn’t until over 6 months of me arriving to Jena that they showed a film in original version at one of the (three) cinemas in Jena. Spiderman 3 in Original Version! Not that I cared for the film that much, but I love going to the cinema and I was suffering from a serious case of cinema-withdrawal. So I went, and I really found weird that the film did NOT have subtitles in German. Not that I wanted them, but after weird item number 2, you have to agree that it’s a strange leap going from not showing any films in English, to showing them without even subtitles… And then there is the cost of a show not only varying from day to day (seen that before: more expensive on weekends, cheaper on special days…), but here there are additional costs if the film is over 2 hours and if you want to sit at the back of the screen. Weird… and painful for the pocket I must add…

4. You can use Credit Cards for 20-EUR purchases but not for 1000-EUR ones…

Food shops like Tegut or Real (equivalents to Tesco in the UK or Mercadona in the Land of Valencia) allow you to pay with Mastercard or VISA with no minimum amount required. Roller (where you buy furniture) or MediaMarkt, don’t. Even if you buy 2000 EUR worth of furniture or an indecent amount of DVDs. Quite a surprising thing to realize after you’ve filled up your trolley with two bookshelves and a living-room table with its six chairs…

5. Red light = do not cross, even if you are the last person in the world

Pedestrian crossing, 10 am, 20 people on each side of the road. Loads of cars passing by. Until the traffic light does not flash green for pedestrians, nobody moves a muscle. Fair enough.

Same pedestrian crossing, 8 pm, 5 people on each side of the road. A car passes by every minute. As in one per minute. Until the traffic light does not flash green for pedestrians, nobody moves a muscle. Funny.

Same pedestrian crossing, 10 pm, 2 people on each side of the road. A car passes by every… no cars pass by. Until the traffic light does not flash green for pedestrians, nobody moves a muscle. These people are bonkers…

So what happens when someone does cross when the light is, not even red, but amber? You should look at all their gazes following the offender’s crossing… I would really like to take a picture one day… but I’d have to spend hours if not days for an “offender” to dare such a thing.

and 6, 7, 8, 9, 10…

Tomorrow! Same time, same place. I know I said 10 weirdest things, not only 5, but I did not expect to make such a long post and I don’t want your browser to collapse. You’ll get the 2nd part tomorrow. I promise

Continue reading “10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Jena” in Part 2.

Related post(s)

• 10 weird things about the health system in Jena (4)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Jena (Germany) (part 2) (10)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Brussels (Belgium) (part 2) (2)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Brussels (Belgium) (part 1) (0)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Dublin (Ireland) (part 2) (13)