6. The insides of the beast

Brussels apartment distributions are weird.

The ads claim: 1 room! 2 rooms! Contrary to the German system, where by Zimmer they mean bedrooms AND living room (2 rooms meaning 1 bedroom and 1 living room, for example), in Brussels by chambres they mean bedrooms. The living room counting as a separate entity. But Alas! what they claim a bedroom is! Look at the sketches of the two example apartments I saw.

The green rectangle is the main door to the apartment. The larger squares represent the living room plus kitchen area. The blue rectangles are the doors between the rooms. And they say A and B are the bedrooms… They will say “square” B is a bedroom! But tell me, how would you like your guests to go through your bedroom to have to go to the toilet? Excuse me I call B an enlarged corridor.

7. All the offers of the UGC cinemas

“To save money because coming to the cinema is expensive, we offer you 5 day tickets which are valid Monday to Thursday, saving you 2 EUR per ticket, or 5 day tickets valid Monday to Sunday which save you 1.2 EUR or our best offer yet, UGC membership cards for 17 EUR per month which allow you to watch any film and as many as you want, at whatever time, on whatever day, each month!” Tiny print: “But we are going to charge you 30c every time you go to the toilet…”

8. Hat off to you Brusselians!

Mobiles (”GSM” as the Valons call them) are free/open! That is, they will work with any card, from any mobile company, from any country. And they don’t cost you 100 EUR extra just because they are not mobile company-restricted like it happens in other countries. Weird item, but I’m taking my hat off Brussels.

9. And I must put my hat on again…

Item number 9 of my list is more sad than weird. Brussels is “sold” as a bilingual city. In theory by bilingual they mean: French and Flemish, but in practice it is more French and English. Sure, cool for foreigners, but 1. completely unfair for the Flemish community who can’t speak their own language in their own city. All signs and advertisements are bilingual (often also in English) but if they go to shops or hospitals, either they speak French or they go hungry/bleed out. 2. foreigners who live for over a year (I’ve met some who have lived up to 10 years in Brussels now!) who cannot even say good morning and thank you should be ashamed at themselves for their lack of respect to their welcoming host.

10. The growing ball

To finish on a lighter note, a situation that I hope is not the norm in Brussels North train station. On a Saturday at 6:30 am, through the loudspeaker you could hear the following announcements for passengers:

“attention, train arriving at platform 5 now arriving at platform 7, I repeat, train arriving at platform 5 now arriving at platform 7, attention, train arriving at platform 4 now arriving at platform 2, I repeat, train arriving at platform 4 now arriving at platform 2, attention, train arriving at platform 3 now arriving at platform 5, I repeat, train arriving at platform 3 now arriving at platform 5, attention, train arriving at platform 1 now arriving at platform 4, I repeat, train arriving at platform 1 now arriving at platform 4, attention…”

You could just imagine how it all started: the first train of the morning was sent to the wrong platform and after it, all following trains had to have their platforms changed. And all the passengers running from one platform to the other… I wonder how many got on the wrong trains!

And this is all folks for today. Or maybe not… I do have a bar of battery on my EEE left… maybe I could start the 10 weird things of Buenos Aires now…

Related post(s)

• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Brussels (Belgium) (part 1) (0)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Dublin (Ireland) (part 2) (14)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Dublin (Ireland) (part 1) (2)
• 10 weird things about the health system in Jena (4)
• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Jena (Germany) (part 2) (10)

So, here are the first 5 things that have surprised me most in the three weeks I have been in Brussels. As always, I am not claiming they are things that always happen in Brussels, but I did see them, and I did see them in Brussels at least once, so they have become, for me, “Brusselian” things.

1. How to distinguish Europeans from mere mortals… look at their luggages!

I am not talking about Europeans as in citizens of one of the EU countries or even the European continent, but as in those working for EU institutions that live in Brussels most of the time but do not pay taxes in Brussels. They walk around, specially on Monday morning and Friday evening, with those small, black, rectangle, wheeled luggages that are just small enough to be considered hand luggage by air plane companies but big enough to fit one’s PJs, toothbrush and a couple of pieces of underwear and t-shirts. Look around the European institutions: if the person is carrying one of those luggages, he/she earns 3000 EUR netto. Otherwise, the poor person might have a contract that says 3000 EUR but after th 44% tax, they will only see 1680 EUR. PS. The cost of living in Brussels is the same for everybody, though…

2. Tell me how you dress and I will tell you where you come from

Besides the “snaily” Europeans that carry their possessions in those tiny luggages you can find all sorts of people in Brussels. It is very interesting to see African women with those large colourful dresses that I have seen in… well, films about Africa, standing besides Orthodox Jews with their black suits, hats and hanging strings of curly hair at each side of the head, near suited business people, cowboys with hats, Muslims with their baggy trousers and vests and even a few monks! Not monks as in priests that I have seen plenty in other places, but monks with their brown vests and white “ropie” belts.

3. The Brusselian vicious circle

Beware of the annoying Brusselian vicious circle. And good luck breaking it! What is it you ask? In one line, this:

house –> bank –> Belgian id number –> house

Which means: you move to Brussels for a new job. You need a house or apartment to live in, right? So, if you are very lucky, your new company offers you provisional accommodation. If not, if you can afford it, you go to a hotel to survive till you find a place to rent. If you know someone in Brussels, you thank them for the corner where to rest your exhausted body while you carry out your accommodation search.

But you see, to rent a flat, you need a bank account with two months rent as provision and the first month of rental. You need this account to get paid by your new employers at the end of the month, as well, of course. So you go to the bank first (Fortis, ING and Argenta are the banks you hear most of). People that have been living in Brussels for a while now, recomend Argenta because it is the only one that does not charge you every time you take money out, transfer money, for the cards, etc. You go visit them first then, and there you find out they cannot open an account for you until you have a Belgian resident number. Oh dear… one gets those at a “Commune”, as in at one of the “town halls” of the 19 communes or neighbourhoods of Brussels, when you sign up in one of them. But, to sign up at, for example Etterbeek or Ixelles or whichever commune you want to belong to, you need… a house/apartment in that commune!

So… the way out of the vicious circle? Three options: the first one is to cry your eyes out at the bank/commune, till one of them feels sorry for you and makes an exception. I’ve heard it works sometimes… The second one is to show them the money: ING will open a Green Account for you for 30 EUR for a year, even if you do not have a Belgian number or a house in Belgium. I think they call it a Green Account because it’s the account newcomers accept after getting really annoyed, as on Hulk-annoyed, of course. The catch: you must have a CDI, ie. “un contrat à durée indéterminée” as in a contract with no expiry date. The third one would fall in the Pay if forward category. Basically, if you are staying at a friend’s house, get them to put your name in the mailbox, and go with you to the commune. Then convince them you live in the same flat and get a Belgian number. Once you have the Belgian number, get a bank account, get a flat and go to the commune again to change your address. It is the pay it forward option because your friend had the same favour done to them by someone else, and as you cannnot repay them in the same way, just make sure you get out of the vicious circle someone else in the future. This third option is not easy though… see weird thing number 4!

4. The blue-suit visit

As I was saying in item number 3, to get a Belgian ID you have to go to the commune. But to go, you must first get an appointment by phone which will be… 3 weeks to a month later. Your day finally comes, you pay the 5 EUR for the 5 pictures they want, the 7.5 EUR for the processing of your forms and show them your house contract and CDI contract. “Très bien” they’ll say, “now a policeman will go to your house to check you live there and in 6 weeks we will send you the invitation to pick up your ID”. “A cop??? But I am not really going to start living in my new apartment till I go to IKEA next weekend to buy a bed!” you think while smiling and thanking them for their time. “6 weeks??” you scream mentally while hopping you don’t get run over by a cyclist on your way to work, for, of course, you cannot get Health insurance until you have the Belgian ID…

5. The house hunt

I never understood this expression. I mean, you go visit a few apartments and when you see one you like (or you get really tired of looking) you choose one. For me it sounds more like going to the zoo: the realtor or the internet sites display a few for you, in a well behaved and constrained manner, and you just see, apraise and select. Internet is widely used for may things, including offering accommodation for rent/sale and you can see many websites with appartmets to let in Brussels. But the method locals and adopted locals recommend and actually works is: walking around the area you like and taking note of phone numbers of apartments to rent displayed on windows! Now that’s what I would call really house hunting! Choose a street, walk down it and bang! your eye catches the glimpse of an orange sigh with the words “à louer – te huur”. And write down the phone number. Walk along a few more streets and bang bang! two signs more found and duly noted. And then start phoning

… 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 in part 2!

Related post(s)

• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Brussels (Belgium) (part 2) (2)
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• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Dublin (Ireland) (part 1) (2)
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• 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in… Jena (Germany) (part 2) (10)